How to Be the Perfect Girlfriend - 12 Steps.
You met the guy of your dreams, he's all you ever dreamed of, the knight in shining armor that will swipe you off your feet and take you away into a fairytale... BUT, he's not really into you?
Here's how you can get him to be with you, no matter how stubborn and how uninterested he might be:
1. Chase him:
Every person likes to feel wanted, and here is what you can do. Forget about your dignity and chase him. Spill yourself in front of him... Compliment him... pop up randomly at all the places he hangs out at... make him see you, day, night, weekdays, weekends... eventually he will get so used to seeing you around that when he doesn't... he will notice something missing. That's when you got your first hooks on him!
2. Play nice:
Now that you have his attention, put on your best act. And yes, I mean ACT. We both know you're not that sweet innocent, trusting and harmless girl you are trying to portrait, and we all know you have a crazy b*tch hidden in you somewhere... so yes, pull your act together and be NICE to him... at least in the beginning... so you get your hooks deep enough into him.
3. Meet his friends:
As soon as he starts admitting his interest in you... reciprocate by showing interest in details of his life, meet his friends... we know you're not REALLY interested in them as people... but moreso into profiling them and categorizing them in your mind as potential enemy, ex girlfriend, etc etc etc...
Photo: Visihow
4. Stalk him online:
Here is what every (psychotic) girlfriend, whether she admits it or not, does... at least once a week... not to say once a day! She spies on her man. Be it on facebook, on other social media... and it does not stop at him, but we know you could spend hours, nights, even full weeks in checking out every single person on his friends list, who they are, how long they've known him, their social status, where they live... etc etc etc. We know you love that sh*t. You probably know more about his friends and family than he does! Keep doing that! You're on the right track!
5. Stalk him in real life:
Why limit your spy life to social media? Stalk him in real life!
By now you know his schedule, his hangout places, his entourage... but why trust him right? So follow him around. Put on your dark jumpsuit, sunglasses, tuck your hair away, stick on that beard... and follow him around. You have nothing more important in your life than your man. So, give yourself the benefit of the doubt and follow him around for a day... just to make sure he is telling you everything, and I mean EVERYTHING!
Photo: unknown
6. Be Jealous:
Every person loves a bit of jealousy from their partner. But why be humble? Take it all the way. Have jealous outbursts, woman. You know you love those! Suspect every man, woman or child he ever talks to as a cheating potential. Even his sister, or mother. You're not the only psycho out there, you know.
Photo: Brobible
7. Get more spies:
Now that you are so close to every aspect of his life, you know you can't stalk him on a daily basis, and you have your posse of friends... why not put them to work too? Get them to follow him around... and text you back about his every single movement! This way you can go about your day, work, life... while you make sure you have your "extra" eyes on him 24/7.
8. Spy on his phone:
We know the first thing you did was crack his phone password. Wait for him to go to the WC or distract him with something... and install one of those mad apps where you can spy on his phone... now you get every single SMS, every phonecall... every single thing that goes on... you get a copy.
9. Become a hacker:
Hack his computer! We all know at least one IT person that can teach us some "ethical" hacking... but we know you have nothing "ethical" in your mind when it comes to protecting your relationship with your man.
Credit: Video blocks
10. Bug his place:
Not tired of the spy game yet? Here's a step further to satisfy your distrusting needs: Buy spying devices and bug his apartment. Specially the bedroom, because we all know that's where the action you are worried about takes place.
11. Bug him:
Why stop at his flat? Bug his clothes and shoes. Hide small GPS trackers in his clothes... and now you have full access to his movements. You know at every second where he is. Imagine all the fun you will have now?!
Last word of advice:
If your man stays with you after all of the above daily madness, you've got yourself a keeper. No man who is right in the head would put up with all of the above for too long. So if after all of these techniques, you found nothing to incriminate him... get HELP! I mean, PROFESSIONAL help. Because you have TRUST issues. Maybe add some mommy and daddy issues... and maybe you're a pinch too much of a control freak... And a tad narcissistic...
Just saying!
Here's how you can get him to be with you, no matter how stubborn and how uninterested he might be:
1. Chase him:
Every person likes to feel wanted, and here is what you can do. Forget about your dignity and chase him. Spill yourself in front of him... Compliment him... pop up randomly at all the places he hangs out at... make him see you, day, night, weekdays, weekends... eventually he will get so used to seeing you around that when he doesn't... he will notice something missing. That's when you got your first hooks on him!
2. Play nice:
Now that you have his attention, put on your best act. And yes, I mean ACT. We both know you're not that sweet innocent, trusting and harmless girl you are trying to portrait, and we all know you have a crazy b*tch hidden in you somewhere... so yes, pull your act together and be NICE to him... at least in the beginning... so you get your hooks deep enough into him.
3. Meet his friends:
As soon as he starts admitting his interest in you... reciprocate by showing interest in details of his life, meet his friends... we know you're not REALLY interested in them as people... but moreso into profiling them and categorizing them in your mind as potential enemy, ex girlfriend, etc etc etc...
Photo: Visihow
4. Stalk him online:
Here is what every (psychotic) girlfriend, whether she admits it or not, does... at least once a week... not to say once a day! She spies on her man. Be it on facebook, on other social media... and it does not stop at him, but we know you could spend hours, nights, even full weeks in checking out every single person on his friends list, who they are, how long they've known him, their social status, where they live... etc etc etc. We know you love that sh*t. You probably know more about his friends and family than he does! Keep doing that! You're on the right track!
5. Stalk him in real life:
Why limit your spy life to social media? Stalk him in real life!
By now you know his schedule, his hangout places, his entourage... but why trust him right? So follow him around. Put on your dark jumpsuit, sunglasses, tuck your hair away, stick on that beard... and follow him around. You have nothing more important in your life than your man. So, give yourself the benefit of the doubt and follow him around for a day... just to make sure he is telling you everything, and I mean EVERYTHING!
Photo: unknown
6. Be Jealous:
Every person loves a bit of jealousy from their partner. But why be humble? Take it all the way. Have jealous outbursts, woman. You know you love those! Suspect every man, woman or child he ever talks to as a cheating potential. Even his sister, or mother. You're not the only psycho out there, you know.
Photo: Brobible
7. Get more spies:
Now that you are so close to every aspect of his life, you know you can't stalk him on a daily basis, and you have your posse of friends... why not put them to work too? Get them to follow him around... and text you back about his every single movement! This way you can go about your day, work, life... while you make sure you have your "extra" eyes on him 24/7.
8. Spy on his phone:
We know the first thing you did was crack his phone password. Wait for him to go to the WC or distract him with something... and install one of those mad apps where you can spy on his phone... now you get every single SMS, every phonecall... every single thing that goes on... you get a copy.
9. Become a hacker:
Hack his computer! We all know at least one IT person that can teach us some "ethical" hacking... but we know you have nothing "ethical" in your mind when it comes to protecting your relationship with your man.
Credit: Video blocks
10. Bug his place:
Not tired of the spy game yet? Here's a step further to satisfy your distrusting needs: Buy spying devices and bug his apartment. Specially the bedroom, because we all know that's where the action you are worried about takes place.
11. Bug him:
Why stop at his flat? Bug his clothes and shoes. Hide small GPS trackers in his clothes... and now you have full access to his movements. You know at every second where he is. Imagine all the fun you will have now?!
Last word of advice:
If your man stays with you after all of the above daily madness, you've got yourself a keeper. No man who is right in the head would put up with all of the above for too long. So if after all of these techniques, you found nothing to incriminate him... get HELP! I mean, PROFESSIONAL help. Because you have TRUST issues. Maybe add some mommy and daddy issues... and maybe you're a pinch too much of a control freak... And a tad narcissistic...
Just saying!
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